But there are times when the pain feels like it is too much. I know that Gess wouldn't want me to be such a wreck, but I can't help it. I can't seem to pull things together and figure out what I am supposed to do. I don't want to have to fight through this. I don't want to keep trudging along this "grief journey." I want my life back! I want to be myself again. But I died that night with Gess and I am not sure if I have the energy to rebuild myself.
Alas, I know that I will have to. I will have to keeping putting one foot in front of the other. I must have faith that there will be a day when doing that is not so difficult and that it will not always be such a battle. I have to have faith that I will find myself. Nights like this it is just hard.
3 comments:
Praying for you all the time and i expect to be doing so for a long while because, well, you're not sipposed to just get over a guy like guess and the wonderful (and sometimes awful) journey you two shared together. I was listening to some talk radio show the other day as i drove to Puyallup on my own. They interviewed a woman who said she decided not to move on after she lost her husband to cancer, but to rather move forward carrying their experiences and his memory with het. Maybe you've come across this already, but it prompted me to pray for you that just take as much time as you need for healing and move forward instead of moving on. Her website is http://WWW.abeautifuldeath.com
I am so sorry Lisa. If you ever want to just get together and quilt let me know or walk around Greenlake. We have a really great group together at the Modern Quilting Guild if you want some wonderful women to hang out with.
xo
worried about you... everything ok?
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